This year has been ripe with opportunities for us to cultivate resilience. With added worries over our well being, as well as physical distancing and canceled plans, we have been grappling with many new challenges. If you have older kids, you’re probably noticing the strain they’re under, even if they try not to show it.
For many young people, this summer was meant to be a time of boundless freedom. Instead, they’re going to have mixed memories to look back upon. Many teens missed out on important milestones this year and while they may understand the reasons why, their feelings of loss are valid and understandable.
While we may be enjoying a slower pace and more time at home…their social lives and educational options are rapidly shape-shifting.
We are in a profound state of not-knowing, and it’s challenging for people of any age to get comfortable with so much uncertainty!
A lot of the most pressing unknowns deeply impact our teens and kids: Will college or university be online? What will reopening schools look and feel like, with all the extra protocols? Extra-curricular sports or teams? Maybe your family is considering homeschooling, moving out of the city, or learning how to become more self-sufficient.
As a parent of teens and young adults, I am more aware than ever of the need to raise resilient kids who are not afraid to feel their feelings, and who can move forward with hope and courage in the face of uncertainty.
This is the ideal season to cultivate (and model!) gratitude because a positive outlook during times of change can anchor and fortify us, as well as our kids.
Our Gen Z kids have already been christened with the moniker “Zoomers” due to the prevalence of Zoom meetings as our newest social outlet. Technology may have gotten a bad rap before–but the truth is, we need human connection more than ever.
Teens are facing rapid brain growth, hormonal changes, unprecedented demand for high grades, the cost and rigours of post-secondary education, body image issues, questions about sexuality and gender, violence in schools…and now, they can add enforced isolation and lockdowns to the list.
Our teens and kids likely don’t have the maturity to know how to decompress from all these stressors appropriately, nor the vocabulary to ask trusted adults in their lives for help.
We are in uncharted waters in many ways, as we seek to parent our teens mindfully.
I’ve seen far too many teens and even kids as young as 6 years old coping with some very heavy, difficult things — and they so desperately need loving, open support from the adults in their lives. Too often, kids get labeled with learning disabilities or are viewed as being “problematic”, when they may actually be struggling with anxiety, emotional trauma, nutritional deficiencies, or gut microbiome imbalances.
When the baseline of our stress levels has been raised, it’s so important to return to foundational tools of wellness, such as getting plenty of restful sleep and physical movement, eating nourishing foods, and sharing uplifting connections with those we love. These “basics” are often downplayed, but the truth is, they can make a massive impact on our ability to remain not just physically healthy, but emotionally and mentally grounded and steady as well.
As a holistic doctor, one thing I’ve learned is that profoundly at-risk kids don’t always look that way.
Even the kids who seem like they’ve got everything going for them may be suffering in silence, worrying about their friends, family troubles, drug abuse, or sexual pressure.
It’s vital for us as parents to remember that sometimes our teens simply need to be heard, listened to, and reassured that we are available and interested in their world.
How can we set our teens up to be resilient? How can we guide them to feel confident in sharing their struggles openly, and to make healthy choices for their bodies, minds, and hearts?
Kids need our reliable and flexible support, nourishing relationships and community, and some foundational tools they can turn to in times of stress.
They also need to see us, their parents, walking our talk. Are you taking time for your own physical, mental, and emotional health? Are you eating nutritious foods? Drinking enough water? Moving your body? Managing your own stress levels and anxiety? Seeking assistance when needed?
As our patterns of work, school, and socializing have changed radically this year, we can still prioritize creating deeply connected relationships within our family and our chosen community–even if it’s over Zoom calls!
While we may have been forced to slow down and distance ourselves from others, we also may view this time as an opportunity to embrace quality over quantity, and to be more selective, vulnerable, and trusting in the social relationships we do invest in.
Getting out from behind our screens and spending time in nature is great for grounding ourselves, as well as paying closer attention to our physical bodies. We can take time to remind our teens of the beauty and solace found in taking breaks, doing “nothing”, and recharging with hobbies, hiking, or long walks outdoors. As author and artist Julia Cameron says, when we feel down we can “move a muscle to shift our mood”.
I’m also grateful that therapy and counseling are becoming more accepted as incredibly helpful tools in our lives. I’ve consistently seen greater adaptability and resilience in teens and children who have had access to therapy or counseling because it helps teach them healthy and productive thought patterns that will serve them far beyond their teenage years.
It’s important to remember that our kids don’t have the benefit of hindsight as we do as adults. We can, with any luck, imagine a safe, joyful, and inspiring post-isolation future, but perhaps our teens are stuck in an endless present that’s marred with stress and fear.
Our children have a huge capacity for resilience, and we can encourage them to deepen and cultivate that by helping them to find hope when things feel mad–or just madly out of control.
As we navigate the times we’re living through, let’s remember that our teens are watching us closely to learn empathy, resilience, and grace. The solutions and mindfulness they glean from us now will serve them well into their adult years, long after these times are behind us.
