Ah, the Holiday season is upon us once again! This is a time of respite from the stress of everyday life and joyful togetherness with our families…right?
We already know that at this time of year there’s a lot of pressure to get things “right”. Between errands and dinners, parties and presents, there isn’t as much time to be present and truly meet people from a place of open-heartedness and care–especially when our beliefs and priorities don’t sync with theirs.
Chances are your stress levels may be magnified, because spending time with extended family and friends tends to offer a mixed bag of blessings.
For some of us, that means tempers will flare–but for many of us, we have convinced ourselves that it’s best to temporarily shrink ourselves in order to keep the peace. It’s likely what we’ve grown up watching our mothers and grandmothers do. We’ve internalized that it’s a mark of inner strength to put up with harsh words or mistreatment or significant ethical differences and let them slide, like “water off a duck’s back”, as the saying goes.
In the past, I tended to diminish myself as I tried to meet people where they were.
Often, that looked like steering away from inflammatory topics and trying to be inclusive of everyone. It meant nodding and smiling a bit too often, and being hypervigilant about how I showed up in the eyes of others.
That required a lot of effort on my part, and the mental load involved was sometimes tedious to bear. It also didn’t allow me to draw on my strength in relating to individuals as themselves, pushing me instead to try to make everyone happy.
Now that we’re on the cusp of a new decade, it’s time for us to recognize that our own peace is as important as anyone who is demanding our time and attention.
I’ve come to believe that meeting people where they are is not always sustainable or even feasible. We live in some of the most polarizing times in history, and when we passively accept things that threaten our core ethical beliefs, we do ourselves and others a grave disservice.
If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu
Part of my growth and journey toward even more heart-centered kindness includes learning to move through the world in greater alignment with myself.
That means I’ve given myself permission to step back from traditions or social obligations that are not in alignment with my sense of wellbeing–because I deserve a magical holiday season with my family and the inner peace that comes with it!
Of course, saying yes to myself means that I find myself saying no to others. This requires that I reprogram my conditioned response of guilt and shame, and honour my boundaries.
The path of healing our inner wounds is not always easy because it requires putting ourselves first. That will occasionally disappoint others. It’s up to us to make peace with that and keep moving forward, so that we may create a holiday season filled with what is truly important to us.
Let’s drop the highly indoctrinated and patriarchal idea that constantly “making nice” with others is worth the sacrifice of our emotional wellbeing.
If you’re facing the holidays with a sense of heaviness or anxiety, I want you to know that it’s entirely appropriate for you to invent new traditions for the holidays that make you feel light and joyful. You get to choose to attend social gatherings that make you feel welcome and comfortable…regardless of what others expect of you and your family.
Protect your inner peace, and give yourself permission to create holiday traditions that honour your boundaries and fill you with joy!
