Girls run the world. It’s a catchy phrase…but what about women?
And more specifically, what about women at midlife?
As girls, we’re met with so many unspoken expectations before we even reach adulthood. To be a girl is to be scrutinized, judged, sexualized, compared to others–and it can take decades before we learn how to shed those injustices!
For example–have you ever noticed that the most celebrated age for a female-bodied person seems to be “forever 21”, as the popular clothing store suggests?
When I was a teen, I knew girls who said they were 18 (or 21) for several years before it was true. How many women do you now know who like to say they’re turning “twenty-nine again” on their 35th birthday?
It may be just a joke…but the deeper suggestion lingers: It’s embarrassing (and culturally pathetic) for women to age.
While salt-and-pepper hair indicates a sexy, ‘seasoned’ man, a woman’s first grey strand may be met with emotions like worry, shame–and possibly an emergency trip to the salon for faux colour!
Middle-aged women are really a paradox, aren’t they?
By the time a woman has surpassed her 30s, she’s typically more confident, resilient, and grounded in who she is and what she values. Women in midlife are both wise and clever, and we likely have a good grasp on our intuition and our emotions, too.
We know how to channel our power more effectively, and we’ve likely gotten better at knowing when to say yes, and how to say no.
So why do we get such weird, mixed messages from our culture and society about so-called ‘older’ women?
30 may be the new 20, but in many circles, older than 30 is considered “old”–and being old is unfortunately not well-received!
Additionally, many women are noticing that even the feminist movement itself is quick to dismiss the voices of older women, despite their very tangible and teachable lived experience of evoking change in the face of oppression.
In many ways, women of any age are viewed by society as being unable to “know what’s good for us”. This was glaringly obvious in the aftermath of this year’s Super Bowl!
The internet was immediately awash with hyper-polarized opinions on the halftime show–from love to loathing.
Regardless of whether you’re a fan of their music or not, it was virtually impossible to miss the impassioned tirades on social media about JLo and Shakira (ages 50 and 43, respectively). But why?
Is it because women in skimpy outfits performing onstage is unusual in this day and age?
Is it because the show weaved in bold political commentary? (Interestingly, that aspect was lost on most viewers!)
I believe the halftime show was so inflammatory because these two successful, beautiful women–Latina, middle-aged mothers–were able to deliver a decisive blow to the invisible glass wall that women at midlife seem to be trapped behind!
Women at midlife are all but ignored in popular media and movies–although they do get objectified or killed off fairly often. Just look at any Disney cartoon and you’ll likely see the middle-aged woman portrayed as petty, infamous, wretched, jealous–even if she’s not the villain!
Interestingly, a number of newer movies and shows depict a “strong female lead”…but if you look closely, these characters’ traits are nearly interchangeable with those of a standard male lead–except she also qualifies as eye candy for the show’s male viewers.
The older a woman gets, the more she recognizes that her uniquely feminine strengths are not just masculine strengths tied up with a pink ribbon.
Statistically, women are viewed (by any gender) as less competent and more irrational than men. These disproven yet pervasive stereotypes create harmful biases within family dynamics, cultural patterns, and especially legal precedents.
When people see the status quo being threatened, they tend to have a knee-jerk reaction–which generally includes taking offense!
JLo’s and Shakira’s performance was an artistic statement and a celebration of what their bodies are physically capable of.
At 50 and 43 years old, they completely rebuked the idea that middle age can’t be sexy–even while the media continues to portray women their age as irrelevant or washed-up–yet we’ve all endured a swift barrage of critics who claim they sent a harmful, ‘over-sexualized’ message to young people.
Some people even insinuate that when women choose to perform onstage and wear ‘sexy’ outfits that they are somehow lessening the impact of all women’s autonomy and right to be free of abuse, simply because they chose to “flaunt their bodies”.
What they’re missing is that empowerment is subjective–and highly personal.
Pole dancing can be an empowering experience to some women, as is the freedom to wear a hijab for another. Both are equally valid and worthy.
Perhaps what really incensed the critics was how enviably JLo and Shakira were able to “flaunt their age”!
From a western cultural perspective, women over 40 are expected to retreat into self-effacing, chaste-and-proper grannies.
I refuse to limit my sexual expression to a narrow slice of years between the age of consent and not-yet-thirty–and I bet you don’t want to, either!
Does modern feminism lose its nerve once it encounters women at midlife and discovers our honed chops and sharp claws? Is feminism only for those women who aspire to a fully embodied life, but never feel ready to summon their innate power to actually invoke what they say they want?
Women at midlife have way fewer fucks to give, and we’re no longer willing to contort ourselves to fit into a demure girl-child’s narrative that was created by a patriarchal system in the first place.
From our eyelash volume, to our choice of career and/or mothering style, every inch of a woman is scrutinized by society, starting almost in toddlerhood.
Moreover, we’re expected to take it in stride.
It’s a mantle of false obligation that gets heavier with every year, and we’ve all been raised under it to some degree. By midlife, we’re about ready to crack under the pressure, or just entirely fed up.
Personally, I believe one of the best things about getting older is how much less I care about what others think, say, and expect from me, while I am simultaneously JUST. GETTING. STARTED!
Women at midlife have a rich background of experiences to draw from, and we’ve been dismissed and shunted to the sidelines for far too long.
I for one am more than ready to start seeing women at age 40, 50, 60 and beyond be celebrated and honoured in the cultural mainstream – for our sensuality, our wisdom, and our creative depth.
It’s time we normalize claiming our power after 40 and invoke the wellspring of wisdom we’ve cultivated.
